Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
