I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
