So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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