everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
