I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
