Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
