Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
