I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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