i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize