MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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