just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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