This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I am mentally ready for anal.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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