I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
