I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
