dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
