Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
