I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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