nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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