Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
