I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
