Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
