my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
