I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
