you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
