This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
