Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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