You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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