Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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