There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize