What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
