she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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