I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
