yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
