I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He felt like a one man threesome
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
