Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
