it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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