forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
