I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
