take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
