You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
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