I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
