So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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