That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
