so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
