You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
