is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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