Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
