I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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