Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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