Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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