by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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