So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
