She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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