Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
