my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
