Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
