The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
