Just fell off a train. Bad.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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