i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
What a dumb baby whore.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
