Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You're a waste of cheezeits
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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