you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize