uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
