No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
