Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize