i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
