Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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